Claimed
by Amelie Bella
Summary: Do you control Fate or does Fate control you? For Hawke such a simple question becomes much more complicated with the addition of a Tevinter elf. Events unfold which shape her in becoming for what she was originally intended. The foundation of her beliefs will be crushed and she must learn who she really is when all the walls are torn down. Rated M for adult content.
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: Bioware Owns all._

Darkness…nothing but Darkness. I swing my hands out in front of me blindly, feeling for anything. But there is nothing. Panic starts to set in and make my hands shake. A peculiar sensation breaks across my skin and I shiver uncontrollably. There are voices, whispers in the dark.

"She is the one. I can feel it. Feel her power. She will be the one to set us free."

Another deeper more doubtful voice intercedes. "She carries no lirium, none at all. She is just another null. There is magic in her blood but there is no lirium flowing through her, no harness for the potential."

The first voice huffs in annoyance. "It is there, you admit it. The potential is there."

The second again in frustration, "Perhaps," the other voice concedes, "but like so many others she will not live up to it."

Fear begins to set in as I feel again that I stand on the edge of some great precipice. The vision around me clears and I find myself in a deep dark unknown cave perching on the edge of a cliff. I have been here before, many times, as the darkness below beckons to me. A heat expands from my chest just slightly as I take the smallest step forward and look down into the abyss. Multiple breaths that do not belong to me inhale sharply as if waiting. But I cannot jump, I can't even breathe. The tingling becomes stronger spreading slowly through my limbs, synapses misfiring as I stretch a hand over that great chasm feeling the dank warm air swirl. It feels right somehow, but I also know should I jump there will be no coming back. Backing away slowly at first, I turn and run away as fast as I can.

"You see" the second voice says again, trailing away as I run, "They never live up to it. Not even her."

A whining sound breaks through my awareness. I swing in a circle listening again for the source. Something wet nudges my hand and I wake with my heart in my throat, a small gasp breaks free from my lips as I sit straight suddenly. Quickly becoming aware of my surroundings I let out a relieved breath and fall back on the sheets. A puff of dank smelling hay wafts around me from under the threadbare sheets, my mabari whines at my side. I glance over.

"You always know when to wake me don't you?" I ask him, a smile playing on my lips. He sits back on his haunches; ears perked and yips in reply. Knowing that sound as a confirmation I reach out and scratch him behind the ears. His eyes close momentarily until I hear my sister mumble from across the room.

"I am still trying to sleep you know." There is a shifting sound then a sigh of exasperation, "My god, it isn't even light out yet. Don't you sleep at all?" she asks the last around a yawn.

I laugh lightly. "I'll sleep when I'm dead." _And knowing the way my life is going that will be sooner rather than later_, I continue silently to myself. I rise from the bed and walk over to the only chest of drawers that we both share. I hear her sigh and even with that single sound I know she is rolling her eyes. I pull out a clean pair of leggings, light leather for ease of movement stained a dark brown, and a loose white tunic that I'll wear under my leather vest. Pursing my lips in thought I put the tunic back in the drawer. Leaving the tunic off wouldn't hurt and it would be a whole lot cooler in this oppressive summer heat. I pull off my nightshirt in one smooth motion while my sister watches and put on the leather pants.

"I wish I knew how you got that scar" she says, her voice containing a small thread of anger. Smiling halfheartedly at her I let the comment stand. I know which scar she is referring too. Just below the bottom of my left collar bone sits a dark pink scar in the shape of a sun. A sign of those made tranquil. Except I'm not, or at least not in the way mages are and I am not a mage. I don't remember what happened or why. I was too young to remember, my mother says, and my father never commented on it, says it is only a trivial thing. But how a tranquil star can be trivial is beyond me. Bethany only recently found out when we had moved to Kirkwall and were sharing the same room. Trying to explain something I didn't even understand myself was a bit of a problem, but how do you explain a scar like that, especially to a mage. She is not angry at me I know, but just the unanswered questions that seem to linger over our heads. Lying has never been one of my fortes even if I managed to come up with a believable lie for her sake. To my surprise she accepted it at face value, only asking a few questions that I wasn't able to answer and never said a word to anyone.

I button the vest where it ends just below my navel, leaving a small gap of bare skin between the edge of the vest and the beginning of my pants and admire this more comfortable if revealing outfit in the mirror. My scar peaks out the side only revealing the tips of the flames of the sun. I frown wondering if this outfit is all that advisable. It will raise eyebrows and questions from my companions for sure, especially Varric. Bethany turns on her side and I hear her chuckle lightly to herself.

"What?" I ask, turning to her. Her eyes are lit up with humor, the last comment forgotten. She never could hold onto her anger for very long. My sweet little sister, she was too good and I didn't deserve her.

"You are going to catch quite a few eyes in that getup. Especially that of the mage and former warden that I won't mention."

I turn back towards the mirror and smirk back at my reflection. "If only that were true." I sigh rubbing the bare skin of my midsection. "Do you think I should put the tunic on? To cover up..." and I gesture to the area of my scar. "this."

"I don't think anyone will be looking at that." She says chuckling again. Turning back at the mirror I purse my lips. "Trust me" she says, "You will get more leers than Isabella." I raise an eyebrow in disbelief at the mirror, like I could ever compete with that curvaceous pirate. I go back to the drawers, intending to get my tunic back out. It would be better this way anyway. Bethany must see what I intend on doing because she says again, "Just leave it." She prompts, "I would be curious to see the reactions." I sigh and close the drawer, going back to the mirror and start combing out the braid I put my hair in last night. It falls in a long ebony black wave down my back.

"Well it will sure raise questions if anything else" I say, grinning back at her reflection. I start braiding my hair tightly to my head to keep the long tresses out of the way.

"He does watch you, you know. Especially since Fenris joined the group." She says, her expression becoming serious. I scowl at her mention of the elf. He was nothing but a nuisance.

"Anders has no interest, even if he does watch me like you say. He made that abundantly clear to me in our last conversation. I flirt, he immediately shuts me down, that is the extent of our romantic interaction. He doesn't want me anymore than the elf does." I mutter sadly.

"Oh will you stop whining," she snaps. "You know I hate the woe is me attitude. He is besotted with you, more so since Fenris arrived." She reminds me again.

"Why do you keep saying that? Why would Fenris matter? Anyone can clearly see we don't get along." I say frowning.

The amused tone is back in my sister's voice. "So you keep on insisting but I think that all the arguing you two do aggravates Anders. Because while you deny even having an inkling of fondness towards that elf you sure do pay a lot of attention to him."

Turning towards her cocking a hip, I give her a look of annoyance, "It's only because he has this incessant ability of getting under my skin. I swear he enjoys pissing me off, like it's his whole purpose in life." I say stamping my foot like a three year old child. "But he can never seem to stop criticizing mages or sharing his opinion on them for that matter. He needs to learn how to shut his pie hole."

Bethany is now smirking at me, "And you keep rising to the bait."

"I do not" I whine.

Her smile is now wide enough to show her teeth, "Yes you do. I think you actually enjoy it."

I open my mouth to give her a scathing remark but pause instead. Do I actually enjoy our arguments? Admitting to myself that there is a small part of me that actually gets off on aggravating him, but do I actually do it on purpose. I think back to our argument yesterday when I had decided to let the apostates in the cave go even though their leader had clearly been a blood mage. For once he had actually stayed quiet even though his disapproval was written all over his face, like a father scolding his child, me being that child. But the fact of the matter was he had remained silent. I was the one that prodded him on the matter. While it hadn't been exactly hard to do I had been the one.

My face falls and she laughs, "Oh god I do, don't I."

"You could do worse you know." She teases.

Jerking my head back in confusion I reply, "What is that supposed to mean. I have no interest in him" I tilt my head to the side in thought and admit to myself that isn't entirely true, "well, other than an intense desire to beat his ass in the ground that is. He is arrogant, irritating, completely nonsensical," I scold her, ticking off his faults on my fingers. "He's a liability in battle as he insists on charging off every time, is angrier than a shaved cat on an almost daily basis, and insists on inviting himself on all our expeditions." Bethany still watches me with a small knowing smile on her face. "And don't you look at me like that." I snap at her. She shakes her head and lies back on the bed to stare at the ceiling still smiling. I make a small disgusted sound in my throat and turn away.

"Do we have enough money yet" she asks, changing the subject. I frown, but let her. "No not yet, we're still six sovereigns short." I answer around a sigh. She chews the side of her cheek, deep in thought, a family trait since I do it as well. "Did we get anything yesterday? My nerves were shot after the Templars finally left." she says. I shrug, "Only a sovereign," I reply.

"Better than nothing I suppose." She says. I merely grunt in assent.

I see the sky lightening outside and hurry over to grab my boots and pull them on. Bethany stays silent while I do so. Zeus, my mabari, rises to his feet again. He must have lain back down during our little tirade. His tail wagging as he knows I'll be going down to the docks now.

"Come get me before you go see Varric." She says.

I nod, "See you soon"

Walking silently through the desolate streets of Lowtown I reflect over the last two months. Somehow we had managed to go from a party of three, Bethany, Varric and I, to a party of …I counted on my fingers…eight? Wow, eight people, not bad, I muse. Funny enough most of it had occurred within a week…well except for Fenris, he was the last. I never thought he would actually join us when I had offered it to him, especially not after the remarks he made towards Anders and my sister, but for some reason I couldn't fathom he was willing to tag along. Why he was willing I still didn't know. Oh wait, that's right, he just wanted a means to an end with his former master. Once that was dealt with he was as good as gone. How long that was going to take was another question entirely. Until then I would be stuck with the nonstop brooding, dark calculating looks and cretinous remarks that he just couldn't keep to himself. Carver would have gotten along with him swimmingly. Laughing slightly to myself, I could just see my brother instigating fighting between Fenris and myself by bringing up my opinions on mages and other subjects he knew we would disagreed on, or worse yet get Anders involved. On second thought maybe it is a small blessing he wasn't here anymore. My heart gives a pang for the little brother I will never see again. I clench my fists, my eyes watering. Mage or warrior it didn't matter. People chose what kind of person they wanted to be, end of story. There were bad mages just like there were bad templars. That didn't mean they all deserved to be locked up because of a few bad apples. Sadly, I wasn't aware just how wrong that assumption could be.

The air is stale and oppressive as I walk to the docks. Once the sun is up fully it will be stifling but now it is tolerable. I glance down at Zeus who had up until now trotted along silently at my side. He is a constant shadow in my everyday life, protecting me when I need it, being a quiet support when I don't. His eyes scan the streets, taking in every single person and action they make. I don't remember exactly when he made himself a part of my life for it feels like he's always been there. As long back as I can remember he has been there. Frowning to myself I wonder, not for the first time, how long mabaris actually live.

The sound of the lapping waves reaches my ears. Letting out a long sigh I get to the end just when the sun starts to peak its way over the horizon. I sit on my folded knees and begin my morning aubade, emptying my mind of all my thoughts and letting the first rays of the sun bath my skin. Smiling as the last of the notes trail off in my voice, Zeus's bark brings me back to the here and now. I turn, at first thinking someone had come to do harm but then it registers that the bark was that of greeting. Relaxing at the thought I realize he must have seen someone he knows. Glancing around I see no one at first but then a dark lithe figure comes out of the shadows and the flash of white hair catches my eyes. Fenris. What is he doing here?

I cross my arms in front of my chest and shift my weight to one foot. "You can't hide from a mabari. Especially Zeus." I say half jokingly.

He smirks and I feel my breath catch. I've never seen him smile before, even this half smile that he gives me now. It softens the sharpness of his features. His eyes pierce mine and his expression reminds me of a hunter now having found his prey. The effect is striking and it dazzles me momentarily. How have I never realized how beautiful he is? It is a good thing his personality doesn't match the package or I might be in some danger here. He comes closer, approaching me… no he is approaching Zeus. He stoops down, coming to his level. "How very foolish of me to forget the skills of your kind." He says to my dog, scratching him behind the ears. "You have a talent unmatched and a wit as clever as any human." Zeus barks happily in reply, hopping on his front paws.

I can't help but smile. He glances up at me, taking in my outfit, scrutinizing me, the way someone might study a map, leaving me somewhat bereft from his lack of emotion. The sun makes the green of his eyes bright again and I feel a tug in my stomach I don't recognize. I blink once, then twice as he rises back up again. We are only a foot apart. He is so close that I can feel the heat emanating from his body… Or it could just be the sun heating up the already dense, oppressing air getting ready to cook us in a sauna. _Get a grip Cassie_, I berate myself, scowling more at my idiocy than at him.

"So what do you want Fenris?" I ask a little too belligerently. "Are you stalking me now? Or are you just trying to frighten me." I say, not waiting for a reply, "Because I have to warn you I don't scare easily nor do I really care if you are following me."

His eyes narrow as he studies my face, then my jaw, my neck, my collarbone, and there his eyes stop, fixed on the place where my scar peaks out. Tingling from some unknown feeling that races through me, my skin breaks out in goose bumps and I can't stop the flush from creeping up my cheeks. _God what was wrong with me_? He's not even doing anything other than regarding me like I'm some kind of experiment gone awry. Shifting to my other foot I raise an eyebrow when his eyes come up to meet mine again.

"Well" I prompt, letting the irritation show in my voice. His eyes look confused for a moment then the curiosity emerges and I groan to myself. Great now he was curious. And we all know what happened to that cat.

"How did you get that scar?" he asks, uncharacteristically calm despite my prodding.

I almost laugh. Did he really think I was going to answer that question? Not that I could anyway. The scar begins to tickle and I itch it without thinking, his eyes following my movement. The only thing I did remember was the pain, fear and helplessness that came with it, nothing else. I shiver uncontrollably and I can't help but look away from his intense gaze. His head cocks to the side still waiting for my reply. Through clenched teeth I say, "I don't know."

He watches me a second longer than necessary, then looks away backing up a step. "I didn't mean to be intrusive?" he says almost apologetically.

I raised my eyebrows and snort, "You didn't? Since when has offensive ignorant remarks or questions been on your 'do not do' list, because I remember some nasty comments on my actions only yesterday." His eyes flash back to mine and the slight apologetic look is now gone, a scowl taking its place. _Now there's a look I recognize_, I think to myself.

"The decision to release those blood mages was ill advised. I can only hope your stupidity with that venture does not come back to bite us in the ass." He snaps back.

"If it does come back to bite us in the ass then you are more than welcome to beat me into submission next time." His eyebrow quirks momentarily at my words, "But it won't." I continue, "Not all mages are as screwed up as your _master_ was." Making sure I put particular emphasis on that word master. He hated being reminded of what he was and what he was still running from. His face contorts into something hateful as a small pang of guilt hits me in the chest. I was not normally so vindictive but he just seemed to bring out the worst in me.

"And not all mages are as sweet as your little sister!" He all but shouts. "When will you realize the corruption you surround yourself with? Anders is already harvesting a demon in him that he conveniently calls a spirit of Justice. The fact that you actually believe that rubbish continues to confound me."

My arms fall to my sides, hands balling into fists. "Leave Ander's out of this." I hiss through a clenched jaw.

But he is ignoring the warning in my voice and begins to pace back and forth in front of me, ranting. "Then of course there is the Dalish elf that shows no remorse in conversing with demons and accepting their help. She is as blind as she is stupid and the fact that you continue to welcome her company proves to me just how completely heedless you are to the danger they possess."

His scornful words finally get the best of me. I think on yesterday's argument and it only feeds the fire, making my blood hum and my fingertips tingle. I welcome it, letting that heat expand from my chest out through the rest of my body. He abruptly stops his pacing and looks at me strangely. From some reason I cannot fathom I close the distance between us so that there is only a mere six inches. We mix breaths, the sun glinting off his armor, tension radiating from both of us in the small space. I look up, completely ticked off, studying his facial features like it is the last time I'll see them as I fully intend on beating him to a pulp afterwards. Taking in the way his green eyes burn into mine, or the way his white hair glints in the sunlight making it appear like fine silver, or the way his markings reflect in the light making them look almost alive I am struck again by just how stunning he is. Being this close is intoxicating in a way I never expected. That weird tugging sensation is back, insistent now that I touch him, demanding that I close the distance completely. I don't understand it, this adverse reaction. One second I want to punch him and the next... Puzzled, I raise a hand to graze it against his jaw, I expect he will back away before I can touch him. He does not disappoint me. _Coward_, I think to myself. I sneer at him, both pleased and disappointed at the same time. He now looks as confused as I am by my actions.

"Does my touch disgust you so?" The words erupting from my mouth before I can stop them.

He backs up another step, still giving me that wary bewildered look. I think he isn't going to answer but the word "No" comes out in barely a whisper, as if it is still strangled in his throat. We are silent as we both try to decipher this sudden shift in emotion. The air between us is charged with electricity, taking the place of the rage that existed only moments before. Somehow I know if I touch him it will awaken something I may not want. I realize I am staring at him with my arms crossed in front of my chest unconsciously, like I'm already trying to stop myself from doing just that. I begin to think I must look ridiculous just standing there like I am bewitched by this elf. But then again he is staring right back at me, eyes never wavering. So I don't look away. I don't know how much time passes, seconds, minutes, until suddenly he shakes his head as if coming out of a daze then scowls at me and just turns and leaves. I stare after him, baffled.

Snorting in derision I shout after him, "Well bye then."

He doesn't respond, not that I thought he would. Zeus, having trotted away somewhere during our argument comes up to my side, nudging my hand. I look down at him. "Do you have any clue what the hell just happened?" Zeus whines back. "Yeah me neither." I reply and start walking slowly back home.

_A/N: The first of many chapters. Third Fanfic ever and a combination of a few things I've written before. I've got a fairly good story arc for this one so hopefully no dead ends until the end. Make sure to follow, fav, all that good stuff. I love seeing the interest and reading your reviews. Until Next time. ~AB_


	2. Chapter 2

The sun beats down on the four of us, baking us into crispy critters. On the bright side at least the sun was on its way down now. If we hadn't been out in it the entire day perhaps we all would have been in better moods and a little less filthy. Wiping sweat from my brow I glance over at my sister. She looks positively miserable, moodier than a wet cat and just plain exhausted. I shouldn't have pushed to take care of this today but after finding Danzig had sold Feynriel to slavers I couldn't just sit by and watch him get shipped off. Varric and Bethany agreed although Fenris could have cared less. However after asking him to deal with Danzig things between us had been a bit less snappish.

"So why exactly are we saving the mage from a slaver again?" Fenris asks. "He would probably do well in Minrathous, the magisters would pay dearly for him." he says, "Not that I don't enjoy killing these scum" he adds as an aferthought.

Pursing my lips into a thin line I turn around so I can look at him, walking backwards, "So we can save someone from being sold into slavery, mage or not. Had you been so fortunate your life would have turned out much different."

"Yeah he'd be able to remember it for one." Varric adds with a half laugh.

"Varric that's not nice." Bethany admonishes. I can't help my lips from quirking for just a moment, before I add, "Yeah Varric thats a low blow even for you." He lets out a sound that is somewhere between a half snort half grunt before glancing over at the elf again. Fenris gives the dwarf a menacing glare but otherwise says nothing. I turn back around

"Doesn't work anymore elf" Varric says in reply to the unvoiced threat. "I've seen that scowl and death glare too often to be scared of it anymore. You'll need a new look. Maybe you could try smiling. It would probably scare the pants of me." He adds sarcastically.

"Might scare the pants off me too but for another reason entirely." I tease, glancing back. Varric raises and eyebrow at me then glances at the elf, then back at me. I shrug as answer to his unspoken question. I hear my sister give a long drawn out sigh as if I was doing something wrong. I flick my eyes to her and she is shaking her head. Fenris of course, is as stoic as ever.

"Now that would be a sight." Varric comments, "If you could stop half the street in Hightown today with that getup on imagine what no pants would do. We could have our funding to the Deep Roads in a matter of hours. People would throw their money at you to see you half naked."

I roll my eyes and respond with exasperation "Well seeing as I'm not in the business of flashing my naughty bits to people for money we will have to go about it the old fashion way, or you could possibly get Isabella to do it. She would garner the same attention I imagine."

"Nah" he says, "Rivani would make me pay dearly for that and shes already won enough of my money in wicked grace." I snort, because I've fallen prey to the same thing. The pirate has probably paid for her enitre room and board just with her card playing skills. Walking closer to my sister I throw and arm around her shoulders our steps matching each other. Her eyes meet mine for a moment and I hear her chuckle under her breath.

"I hope you know what you're doing," she whispers, "Flirting with that elf is about as smart as baring your ass to a caged lion. He just might take a piece out of it."

"Hmm, yes, wouldn't that be fun." I say a little too loudly, still smiling like an idiot. _God what's wrong with me. _She looks over at me with wide eyes before looking back at the two other companions of our group and then back at me.

"Now he's watching you." She says under her breath.

"Probably trying to listen to our conversation." I whisper back, nudging her.

"Undoubtedly," she replies then falls silent for a minute, "But why? Why him? I thought Anders…" and she trails off.

I glance at her with disbelief, "Oh please Bethany there is nothing there between Fenris and myself. I'm just trying a new tactic is all."

"Well that's shameful of you. What if he actually falls for you?" She whispers to me again. I burst out laughing as if it is the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard, because it is the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard.

"Right. That's about as likely as smelling a fart in a windstorm." I tell her, not bothering to be quiet.

Varric trots up behind us "What's this about smelling farts?" he asks. I smile back at him. "Oh nothing, just girl talk" He gives me a look that says, 'do you think I'm an idiot.' I still keep smiling and look away toward the path in front of us. "And you're talking about farts." He says, clearly not believing it for a second. I can't help but laugh.

"Why yes Varric. Sometimes we even have competitions. For longest one, worst smelling, uniqueness of sound." I reply like it's the most natural thing in the world. Bethany laughs and mutters to herself, "Oh God."

Varric chuckles, "You are something else Hawke."

Grinning for all I'm worth I tell him, "I try."

Our banter is cut short by the ring of steel emerging from leather. "Ooo I think we have company." I say in a singsong voice, separating myself from Bethany to give us some swinging room. Varric falls back, whispering something to Fenris that I don't quite catch. Whatever it was it must have stopped him from charging straight off like he usually does but I do hear the rustle of weapons being readied. A large group of men emerge from the entrance of a cave, nine in all. Slavers. They are well equipped, decently armored men that grin wickedly, whispering and chuckling to each other at the group of us. One of them, brandishing a large two handed sword, comes to the front of the pack. He places the sword tip down into the sand and leans on the hilt that is at about shoulder level. He smirks at us as if we are the most unfortunate people to come across him and his crew.

"Well, well, well." He says, "What do we have here. Two women, a dwarf and an elf. You are either very stupid or very clever to make it out here unscathed." He mocks. I smile devilishly at him, placing my hands on the bare strip of flesh above my pants. My movement has the desired effect. His eyes float over my body, taking in every curve of my tightly fitted leather getup. His arousal becomes obvious, unconcealed lust burns from his eyes and I know what he has in mind for me. His gaze shifts to my sister and he grins at the two of us. "I think I have plans for the two of you." He taunts, talking as much to his men as he is to us. "But the other two…" and he pauses as if he is actually contemplating, then waves a hand dismissively in the air, "kill'em." The group of men aside from the leader converge on us. Whipping out my daggers, I twirl them in the air with a practiced motion.

The dwarf hefts Bianca with ease, aiming her with deadly accuracy, "I'll bet you a pint I get more than you do Hawke." I smile at the challenge. "You're on." I reply.

"Why exactly am I hanging back here again. So I could watch the show you put on?" Fenris say with derision.

Instead of turning to him I watch the approach of the slavers. "I don't put on a show." I spit back at him. "But having them see me as a piece of meat they can fuck makes it harder for them to kill me outright."

One charges at me, testing our resolve. His double handed sword slashes out and I dodge his blow, following with three strikes of my own. He is dead before he falls to the ground. The rest hold back realizing we are not as weak as they thought.

"And I ask again, this is somehow better for you?" he asks, showing the contempt in his voice.

"I use what I have." I hiss back at him, "Back off."

Varric's voice calls from behind me. "Hawke we've got more company." I turn and see that seven more men have joined the fray completing a circle around us. Wonderful.

"Well at least now it's an even number." I tell him. "Four for each of us." Varric harrumphs.

"Delightful" Fenris mutters, "Remind me to thank you later."

"I make sure you more than thank me." I retort. His face turns to me and for an instant our eyes meet.

"Oh for Maker's sake will you two stop bickering. We have more important things to focus on at the moment." Bethany yells.

I turn my attention back to the approaching men. I notice a few are hanging back, crossbows in hand, reading to skewer us like the sitting ducks we are. "Bethany, take care of the archers and get in the center of the three of us." I call to her. "We will protect you the best we can." I feel her move behind me, getting in the center of the loose triangle Varric, Fenris and I now make. She mutters something in a different language and ice shards shoot from the ground impaling two archers. A ferocious grin pulls at my face and I raise my hand and beckon towards the lot of them to come get me. Three charge at once. The first raises his sword bringing it down in a wide arc. I deflect the blow with a wave of my blade. The loud clash of steel on steel is deafening. Simultaneously punching upward with my off hand, the force of the blow throws his head back just as my blade comes down across his neck. Blood squirts everywhere, coating my arms in a fine warm spray. His body falls limp as his two companions both come at me. Unlatching a miasma flask from my belt I smash it into the ground. A black billowing cloud swallows us whole. Slipping behind one silently, he jerks with surprise when my blade finds his throat. The choking, gurgling of his death makes me want to gag. The second is swinging his sword wildly in the smoke, coughing and hacking. The tip catches the side of my stomach, the bite of the blade stings and I hiss. It is only a nick but I curse at myself for letting my guard down. Sinking into the shadows on the edge of the cave as the cloud dissipates I watch him search around quickly, his eyes skating right over me, not seeing. He turns his back, heading towards my sister. She is occupied with a group of rogues, blowing them backward with a mind blast, she calls up fractures of ice, raising her hands with the motion, and they erupt from the ground freezing them in place. She doesn't see the approaching swordsman and he is nearly on her. With stealth my trainer would be proud of I sneak behind him, burying my blade between his shoulder blades. He falls to his knees as she turns around, taking in the scene and gives me a lopsided smile.

"Got your back" I say. Her eyes focus over my shoulder. A blast of ice erupts from her hand and whizzes by my ear. I turn in time to see my would be assassin get smacked square in the face, but it doesn't knock him over. I jerk my dagger from the dead man's back, flip it around and stab behind me. I feel the blade sink into flesh and the grunt of pain that follows.

Bethany's eyes meet mine, "and I got yours." Is all she says.

I smirk, "So you do sweet sister, so you do."

I glance around the now diminishing battle. Slavers lay dead everywhere. Most are frozen in place with massive gashes or arrows sticking out of their lifeless bodies. The three Bethany had just frozen are now dead, massive wounds that could only be made by that of a two handed broad sword mutilate their bodies. Varric and Fenris now battle the remaining two and I can already see that they don't need any help. Sheathing my daggers, I bend over one of the dead bodies to cut off his pack. I glance up and see Fenris wielding that massive sword with a practiced grace engaging the last slaver. It is beautiful, like a dance of death. His muscles bunch and stretch with each swing of the blade, mesmerizing me.

"There's only fifteen" Bethany shouts suddenly. Just as I feel the bite of a blade prick the skin of my neck.

"Move and you die," the group leader's voice mutters. I curse to myself. How could I have been so careless? I was never so blind. He grabs me by the hair, yanking me up to his level. I stand, grunting with the sudden lancing pain in my scalp. I feel the cold steel of his knife pierce the tender skin of my neck. Blood dribbles down in tiny rivulets, following the contours of my chest to in-between my breasts. One moments effort is all it will take for him to slice through and end my life. But he won't. I am his only chance of getting out of here alive.

"You are stupid," he whispers in my ear, "deadly and beautiful but stupid." Fenris and Varric walk to Bethany slowly who stands five feet away from me, eyes fixed on my attacker. She is angry, her features seething. "Try any of that magic shit on me mage and she will die before I do." He says, yanking me by the hair in case his point isn't clear. I close my eyes with the pain and slowly open them. Hatred courses through me. I want nothing more than to see him suffer now. I curse myself again. Why did I sheath my daggers? How did I let him sneak up on me? How did I not hear, I have ears as good as an elf. I am never so careless. My eyes flick to Fenris and I know the reason why. I curse under my breath. Never again will he distract me. I drop my hands to my sides, fingers searching the side of my pants. I feel the brush of metal and take a deep breath. He pulls me against him and wraps his free arm around the front of my chest. The knife stabs more painfully into my neck and I groan. More blood flows freely. Fenris is furious, whether it's at me or the slaver leader still remains to be seen. Varric looks worried and holds Bianca limply at his side.

"Like that do you?" he whispers in my ear, his breath smelling of stale wine. His free hand gropes at my breast greedily. My stomach heaves and I want to vomit. _Focus_, I tell myself as I close my eyes, _study your opponent, and know you can get free_. The mantra that was drilled into my head at an early age by my trainer echoes in my mind. My eyes open and determination settles like a fire in my chest. I snake a hand behind my back and he instantly pulls the knife tighter against my throat until he realized what I am after. His breath hitches in his throat and he groans pushing himself against me. I swallow past the lump in my throat and and with my other hand grasp the flat hilt of a blade that finds its home on the side of my thigh. His lips meet my throat and bite down. _Stupid imbecile. _In a lighting quick motion I bury the hilt of the blade between his legs. His scream erupts right next to my ear as he drops the blade and slumps downward. I slip out from under him before he can fall on me. He curls on the ground in the fetal position trying to protect his mutilated privates, crying like a baby.

I kick him repeatedly in the stomach as my fury refuses to let go. "Think you" kick, "Could Rape me," kick, "Do you?" kick. He just curls up more tightly. I take a deep breath and then kick him one more time for good measure. I kneel next to his body, "Whose the dumb one now?" I mock but he doesn't hear me. He's lost consciousness or is dead. I don't know which. I turn around and walk three steps before my sister runs up and hugs me. I wince from the wound in my side that I had all but forgotten about. The feel of that man's hands on my body still makes me sick. The adrenaline still courses through my body, making my limbs shake. "Oh you're hurt." She remarks seeing the blood on my vest. My entire body is sore, tight and bruised. Or at least it feels that way. One cut hardly seems to make a difference.

"It's nothing," I say, "just a scratch. It probably doesn't even need stitches." Closing her eyes, she whispers a few words and the tingling pin pricks of her magic slide along my skin into the wound. It burns for a few moments but then it is gone and so is the wound. I sigh, "Thank you."

Fenris is livid but I have no idea who his target is. "Is he dead?" he asks.

I look back at the slaver. "If not he soon will be."

His fast twists into something malevolent, and though it isn't directed at me it is still frightening. He strides past me to leave a wave of vengefulness in his wake. The three of us stand there, watching the elf walk over to the comatose man. His body lights up like a beacon as he activates the lirium burned into his skin and we watch in muted horror as his hand disappears into the slavers throat only to have it emerge in a spray of blood and gore. My would be captors throat is now missing. _Yuck! _Without looking back he gets up, pulls his massive blade from his back and walks into the cave.

The dwarf looks at me with wide eyes. "I'd say it's almost sweet if he hadn't just scared the shit out of me." Varric mumbles, then adds, "Don't tell him I said that."

I can't help but smile, "Your secret is safe with me Varric." And then the three of us follow him in. There was still the whole Feynriel thing to take care of after all.

After another battle with a pitiful band of slavers Fenris turns on me. He stares at me for a moment, hatred still riding him. "How could you let your guard down like that?" he snaps at me. "How did you let him sneak up on you? How could you have been so foolish."

My jaw clenches and I refuse to look away. "I was a little distracted." I say through gritted teeth, "It won't happen again." I feel like a child being disciplined and the thought angers me.

He scoffs, "What could possibly distract you from protecting your own skin. There is nothing more important than that."

My eyes narrow and come up to meet his own. "Do not talk to me about survival Fenris." I hiss at him. "I have done too much in the name of survival."

"Fenris leave it be." My sister says with her ever calm soft voice. "She has never had reason to be distracted before." She knows what happened. Or at least has the sneaking suspicion what it was. And she is right.

His eyes flick to hers and his lips press into a thin line. They come back to me again. "What could have possibly distracted you." He says incensed.

My anger gets the best of me and suddenly I want nothing more than to slap him across the face. "You!" I scream at him. "Now leave off!" And I stalk away, not waiting for them to follow me.

Some time and many dead slavers later I walk behind my companions. Fenris has not said a word to me since his outburst. I am glad for it. The feeling that sometimes grabs me out of nowhere in his presence was completely bewildering._ I don't like him_, I tell myself. And he will be gone before I know it. Varric and Fenris walk ahead, bantering about scowls or some such nonsense. I don't pay attention, or have no desire to. I think back to all the bodies that littered the ground, all the people we killed and it makes my hands shake and my body shiver. Though I've had a year of servitude doing the same thing it still grates against my soul. Especially now that it is essentially my choice. Its not so much the act of killing but that its become so easy. At what point did my humanity slip that I now have no problem with leaving a pile of dead bodies in my wake. The blight was one thing. Those creatures weren't human nor did they have even a smidge of humanity. But killing elves, or dwarves or humans… A what point did it blacken your soul?

"Stop" my sister says from my side. I look over at her and she is watching me. "Stop," she says, "I know what you are doing. Stop feeling guilt over something you can't control. It was kill or be killed." I exhale loudly the breath I hadn't known I was holding. She reads me so easily and it brings some relief when someone as good natured as she is tells me it's ok. "These people are bad people. They sell people as slaves, trick people into slavery. Some of what they are getting is deserved."

I sigh, "But at what point do we become the bad ones. At what point are these people more misguided than actually evil." I say to her and my heart aches.

Her eyes soften, "Stop." She says to me, "Trust that you will know the difference. Trust in here," and she taps my heart, "You are a good person and I know it."

"I know." I reply, pushing the guilt away. "It doesn't mean I have to like it."

"And someday hopefully we won't have to. Someday hopefully our children will play together in a world free of darkness. In a world better than the one we live in today." She says as her arm slips around my shoulders. "Someday soon." she says almost wistfully, and I pray that she is right.

Light emerges from a doorway at the end of the hall. Voices shouting and people moving around in haste reaches my ears. Varric looks back at the two of us. "I think word has reached them of our presence." I pull my daggers out even though a small part of me is loath to do so.

The group of us approach the entryway cautiously. There is no one visible. I frown.

"Maybe they vacated when they heard of the carnage we left behind." Varric suggests hopefully.

"Doubtful, "mutters Fenris

"Well there's only one way to find out." I say.

We enter, weapons drawn ready for battle. Not even five feet in, a large group emerge from behind the doorway as others converge from the other side of the room that wasn't visible.

"This isn't good." Varric whispers to my side. _No shit_, I think. There are multiple arrows targeted at us and I begin to think maybe saving this half elf mage wasn't such a good idea.

"Take one more step and the boy dies" the leader says holding a dagger to the throat of someone who must be Feynriel. Varric shifts from foot to foot and I know he has an idea. I glance over at him. "Tell this dirt bag who we are." I say smirking.

He smiles at me deviously and steps forward. "If I were you I wouldn't be threatening the Viscounts son."

The Slaver's face falls, if just for a moment betraying his sudden anxiety. "What?" he asks.

"Oh I just suppose you got a tip from a slaver that he was selling mage flesh cheap. You never thought to ask where he got it." The dwarf says snidely. I look at the ground trying to hide my smile. It amazes me how he just comes up with this stuff. "You never wondered if you were buying the Viscounts well known love child from his elven mistress. The boy he swore to protect even if it meant raising the entire Free Marches to do it." The Slaver leader now seems ready to lose his lunch and it takes all my strength to keep from laughing.

"I need no war with the Free Marches, give the lad to his father." The sword however, doesn't waiver from his throat.

"Good choice," I say, mocking.

The Leader looks like he's swallowing something foul. He drops his sword and makes the circle motion with his hand to his men. "Move out." He shouts, "We are done here."

The men mutter to themselves but sheath their weapons and begin to move as one to the other entrance that leads out of the cave to the sea. Fenris is agitated, very visibly and I wonder why. I was relieved not to have to fight my way out. Not that the battle frightened me but that so many more people would die when the leader gave in. Right then and there I have my answer. They're slavers. He would want them all to die. I breathe deeply. _Oh this is going to be an argument later_, I think.

…

We are walking back to Kirkwall, exhausted, filthy, and hungry. Varric, Bethany and I talk brightly of our soon to be Deep Roads trip. The payment we will get from this in conjunction with what we found should be more than enough for the trip. Fenris remains silent, still seething. I sent Feynriel to the Dalish, hoping he would be safe there, and free. Since then I've gotten nothing but scornful looks from Fenris. Between that and the slavers I let go it was going to be hell to pay.

"I can't wait to see the look on my brothers face when we-" Varric is cut off.

"I can't believe you just let them go!" Fenris shouts at me.

My breath comes out in a sigh, "I suppose you would have been happier if they were all dead now?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Yes!" he shouts back at me. "It would be one less slaver to deal with. One less slaver that could steal someone from their family."

Huffing, I roll my eyes. "That is not the reason you want them dead and you know it. You want revenge."

His hands ball into fists as his anger threatens to overwhelm him. "Is that so horrible?" he yells, "Yes I want revenge, "he admits, "I want them dead. I want them all dead. What's one less slaver." His voice is so full of hate that it is almost sad. He stays silent for a moment, trying to calm himself down maybe, I don't know. His voice becomes quiet and threatening, "And you are going to tell me you didn't want that slaver who threatened to rape you dead."

My stomach clenches into a hard knot as the memory of his groping hand makes me want to vomit. I stare at the ground as we walk down the coast. To say I didn't want him dead would be a lie, because I did. I wanted him dead, and I'm glad Fenris finished him off. I glance over at the elf to find him staring at me intently. "Back off" I tell him

He sneers, "You see. You're no different from me."

Walking up to him until I am up in his face I hiss, "You're wrong. If is was like you I would be locking up every mage I found, including my sister. If I were you I would be burning them all in the forehead with this brand." pulling back my vest to reveal my scar for emphasis. "If I were you I would hate myself for all the blood I've spilled."

I wait for him to throw the first blow. Because that is the point we are at now. He turns away from me and starts to walk away.

I run to catch up with him. "Hawke" calls Varric from behind me. But I ignore him. "Not all mages are bad, you know. They are not all just one step away from becoming abominations. You can't put them all in a neat little black box no matter how hard you try."

He wheels on me with such hostility that I worry for an instant I've pushed him too far. "No?" he asks and his voice is twisted with so much venom it scares me. _I've definitly pushed him too far_. "You think all mages are sunshine and rainbows like your sister? Even she is only a whisper away from being turned into you worst nightmare."

I don't know why, maybe my temper is short, maybe I'm too tired, or maybe I've just had enough of his ignorance. I don't think, I act. I lunge at him and I think the only thing that allows me to hit him is his complete surprise at the attack. We fall to the ground in a heap of limbs. I land mostly on top of him, sitting on his chest and punch at him wildly acting on all my rage. My fist connects with his jaw and I hear him grunt. More swings which he blocks or dodges. I don't know why he isn't fighting back, I want him to fight back. But all he is trying to do is stop me. A vice like grip lands me by the wrist and with a swift jerk I find myself on the ground under him. His knees press to my sides, the brunt of his weight is over my legs to keep me from kicking. He pins my hands to either side of my head. My chest is heaving with wasted breath. I try to push against him, screaming my fury but get no where. I am no match with him on top of me. He is bigger and stronger than I am. His face comes in close to within inches from my own, his white hair hanging over his green eyes as he glares into my brown ones. We sit there like this until my breathing calms and the anger resides.

"Done?" he whispers to me. And it is something in that word that turns everything on its head. Suddenly the air between us shifts and I realize how vulnerable I am in his grip right now. And I like it. I really like it. He must feel it too because his eyes widen and suddenly he's no longer on top of me.

I sit up slowly watching him retreat to the furthest possible distance without abandoning us completely. Varric is chuckling and shaking his head as he walks after him. Bethany gives me a hand and lifts me up.

"Now you've done it." she says to me. I brush myself off and find the effort is wasted.

"You think he will leave?" I ask, assuming he's finally had enough of me.

"No" she says shaking her head and smiling. "I think you've just managed to guarantee he stays."

_A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. More coming soon. Make my day by following, favoriting and reviewing. Until next time ~AB _


	3. Tomorrow will be Kinder

"Anders" I call, peaking around the door to his clinic.

He sits on one of the beds on the far side of his clinic. His back is facing me as he leans forward, his forearms resting on his knees. He makes no motion that he has heard my voice but I enter anyway. At my footsteps he looks up and his haggard face brightens. Mine naturally pulls into a smile and I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around him. Staying in the warmth of his embrace brings about a feeling of safety and peace, even though I know it's a lie. I haven't seen him for a week or so. He's been so busy at his clinic that I felt bad asking him for help, especially when Bethany could handle most of the minor healing.

I sit down next to him, so close the side of our legs brush. His smell envelops me, and it reminds me of our home in Lothering. My father had a lot of the same herbs and tonics that he does, filling our house with the smell. It's also the most likely the reason why I unexplainably feel safe with him even though every circumstance points to him being trouble. I could deal with the whole apostate mage thing but the third wheel of Justice...lets just say that would be a first even for me. I lean my head on his broad shoulder and I sigh.

"Tired," he asks.

I look up at him still leaning on my comfortable perch. "Yes" letting my voice show all the exhaustion my body feels.

"Varric told me you had a scare yesterday." He says. I immediately stiffen. Thoughts of my would be rapist flitter through my head and my heartbeat starts to pick up. I clench my hands and force my breathing to steady and my heart to obey. He must feel my sudden tension because his arm wraps around my shoulders and the slip of his magic sinks into me, calming me. My breath leaves in a rush and I want nothing more than to wrap my arms around his neck and press my mouth to his to erase the thought. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asks. The desire leaves me and I sit up, his arm falls away. I shake my head, "No." I say quietly. "It's over. He's dead. There's nothing to talk about." He appears to take that at face value and changes the subject.

"I heard the bastard elf was giving you problems again." He says, and I detect the small note of jealousy in his voice. More like I am giving him problems I think.

I shrug, "I'm beginning to become accustomed to it, at least to a certain extent." My mouth hardens, "He still infuriates me to no end and yells at me for the sheer joy of it it seems." I pause, "He questions my actions, and argues with me about every decision to the point that I want to beat him senseless." I realize I'm babbling and stop. "Sorry" I tell him.

He smiles at me but it contains a hint of sadness. "It's ok." He replies. "You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

I smile close-lipped and nod. I don't want to see that hurt in his face again, even if it is disguised for my benefit. And I have no desire to think about that elf anymore. He already occupied more of my waking thoughts than I liked and if last night was any indication apparently my dreams too. My mind instantly goes back to yesterday when he pinned me to the ground and I feel my skin flush with heat that has nothing to do with the blazing sun. I fold my legs in, wrapping my arms around them. I'm staring down at the ground trying to decide if I really want to say the next words that are strangled in my throat. "I missed you this week." I say, the words come out soft and barely audible.

He glances at me and the look in his eyes tells me what I already know. "I can't Hawke. Believe me when I say that I wish things were different, but I can't." I raise my eyebrow at him acting as if he misunderstood my intentions even though I am pushing away the small sting of his rejection.

I look at my fingers, inspecting my fingernails like its no big deal. "Someday you won't be able to resist me anymore Anders." I cajole gazing up at him, smiling devilishly. He chuckles, shaking his head. I unfold myself and get up. I force myself to forget everything of the last twenty four hours even those few intense seconds with Fenris on top. _Stop it! _ Slowly my mind eases and a weight lifts. He gets to his feet, his body mere inches from mine. I feel his presence all around me, sinking into me. "Your cheating" I say around a sigh knowing he is using his magic subtly. He chuckles again.

His hand grazes the side of my cheek with such gentleness and then pushes a strand of my black hair behind my ear. "You are tenacious." He says to me with that half smile that gets my blood pumping. _Boy does he give mixed signals_, I think to myself.

I place a hand on my hip, cocking it out as I look up at him shaking my head. "You have no idea." And I can't stop the grin that breaks across my face. He turns away laughing and I can't help but join him.

"You're coming tonight right" I ask, changing the subject as he walks to his desk.

"I'll be right behind you," he says while turning back to face me.

Heat rises to my cheeks and I can't stop the words from leaving my mouth. "You have no idea how much I wish that were true." His hazel eyes widen momentarily and I see the desire he keeps so well checked. I laugh as his cheeks burn, "You sir, are in way above your head." I tell him and turn to saunter out. "See you tonight." I call over my shoulder and close the door behind me.

A few hours later I walk with Bethany to the Hanged Man. We decided to meet together tonight as a last hoorah before our departure tomorrow. I already spoke with Varric earlier today after we dumped the money on his brothers table. The look of complete and utter disbelief on his face had us both in stitches of laughter afterwards. We decided that we needed at least one warrior and one mage since we were both rogues. Varric assumed Bethany would come since she had such a large hand in our success. Part of me wants her there and part of me wants to keep her safe no matter what, even if that means she becomes very angry with me. Ever since we handed over those fifty sovereigns this niggling sensation of anxiety refuses to abate. I still don't know what to do and Varric left the decision to me. The warrior, well…that had been an easy decision unfortunately. Aveline was on guard duty the next five days and asking her to ignore her duty was like asking Zeus not to lick his butt. In other words, it was so not happening. I asked Varric to deal with Fenris because there was no way I was begging that elf to join us. To my surprise Varric said the elf had agreed without hesitation. I was still a little confused by that.

Bethany breaks through my thoughts, "So when are we leaving tomorrow?" she asks.

I hesitate, "Bethany…" and the uncertainty in my voice must tip her off.

"Oh no…" she says sternly, "You are not keeping me out of this expedition. Do you hear me? I played just as much a part as you in getting the funding for this damned thing. You are not keeping me out now."

I clench my jaw as a slice of fear jolts through me. For some reason every time I think about letting her come my heart fills with dread. Every instinct tells me to keep her here, even if it means I need to tie her down. "Bethany," I try again.

She stops me with a hand to my chest, her gaze unyielding in mine. "You are not keeping me here Cassandra." She declares, using my first name for emphasis. Her mouth is set in a determined line and I recognize that look. It was the same one she got when she was little and I told her she couldn't do something. She always followed me and did it anyway, scaring our mother half to death. I release my held breath.

"I don't want anything to happen to you. Losing Carver was bad enough, if I lost you-" and I choke on the words, "if I lost you it would kill me." The terror seeps through in my voice and her eyes soften.

"You're not going to lose me." She says trying to reassure me, but it does nothing to squelch the fear that seeps into my pores like poison. "Besides I am safer with you than I am in our uncle's hovel where the Templars can find me any day. There are days where I think the only thing that keeps them from taking me is you."

My heart starts to pound in my chest. So much of what I did was for her and for my brother when he was alive. I don't think about him much because of the guilt that always threatens to paralyze me. When the Blight had spread to consume our home the insistent harrying need to run and get out had filled me day after day. Then my brother had returned covered in blood and other excrement and all my fears had come true as he died days later at the hands of an Ogre. That same feeling plagues me now but regardless of what option I consider the fear refuses to subside.

Fate is laughing at me right now, I know it.

"Ok" I concede, praying in the same breath that everything I feel is wrong. My stomach twists into a knot and I know just as I did last time that my prayers will not be answered.

Moments later we walk into the Hanged Man. My sister is bubbling over with happiness and excitement while I stay somber at her side. We enter and we are the last to arrive. A chorus of hellos greets us and Bethany quickly grabs the empty seat next to Anders leaving me to the only available seat next to Fenris. I sigh and all the fight leaves me. I hope belatedly that Fenris does not pick a fight with me tonight because I have no strength for it. This strange feeling of foreboding haunts me like a dark cloud.

Isabella sits across from me, flaunting her assets as always, especially for the elf's benefit. "So…Hawke." And by that alone I know this conversation is going nowhere I like, "I hear you had a rather interesting run in with the slavers. One got the drop on you and decided to have his way." Varric must have been embelishing again. Wonderful.

Aveline tries to cut off the pirates prodding, "You really have no sense of decorum, do you wench."

Isabella smiles deviously at Aveline, "Did your husband like your man hands or did he leave you lying cold at night while he warmed someone else's bed?"

"Isabella," I warn her, "Put a sock in it. Or better yet put a cock in it," I tell her which earns a few laughs from our table. Aveline, who a moment ago looked ready to have puppies, now smiles like she's had the last laugh.

Isabella turns back to me with that 'I know you want to fuck me' look that she does so well, "I fully intend on doing that Hawke." She says, not even caring about the insult. Not that I thought she would in the first place or we'd be dueling right now. "But right now I'm more curious about your little dance with the slaver. Was he rough?" she asks. "or better yet how long did he last." Anger heats my blood and I feel my face flush in fury.

"Careful Isabella." I warn, "You may not like where this ends up." It must be something in my voice or in my demeanor but surprisingly she backs down.

She's pouting at me now, "Oh Hawke I meant nothing by it. I thought you were a little thicker skinned than our Manhands over here." I sigh, and the anger washes out in a rush leaving me feeling empty. This was not a good start to the night.

The evening continues with a few rounds of wicked grace in which I lose way too much money. I throw my cards down in frustration one last time and say, "I'm done. No more cards for me. I still have to buy some new armor tomorrow and supplies for our expedition."

"When are you leaving?" Anders asks. "And whose going?"

I let out a breath as the table quiets, listening for my answer. "As to when we leave I'm guessing sometime around midday since it will probably take the long to gather everyone up." I look at the dwarf, "Am I wrong in that assumption?" He shakes his head no. I look back to Anders, "As far as whose going, well obviously Varric and I, and thankfully Bethany and Fenris have both also consented to go." Suddenly that sense of a impending doom almost threatens to overwhelm me since I've now officially decided she can come. My stomach twists again and I close my eyes momentarily trying to swallow around the lump in my throat. Why does it feel like my world is about to fall apart? I can feel all their eyes on me as the silence stretches.

"Are you ok, Hawke?" Ander's asks.

I open my eyes, and blink several times trying to push down that feeling of helplessness. I smile at him, but I know it doesn't reach my eyes, "Yeah I'm fine. Just have this strange sense that something is going to go wrong."I say. His expression of worry doesn't change. I can also see he wants to say something but not in front of the group.

"Doesn't it always," remarks the dwarf. I frown, but this time every instinct is yelling at me not to go. This is more than just simple apprehension or getting cold feet about the whole expedition. This is far beyond anything I have felt. I want to tell them all what I am feeling but stubbornly keep my mouth shut instead. _I'm just being ridiculous_, I tell myself, _nothing is going to happen_. But that gut wrenching fear refuses to go away.

They continue their card game, laughing and drinking while I sit in silence occupied by my dark thoughts, absently running my fingertip around the rim of my wineglass. It's hum getting louder until suddenly a slim lirium marked hand shoots out and grabs my own. My breath catches in my throat and my heartbeat quickens. He's never willingly touched me before. My skin is alive with electricity and the sudden impulse to have more of his skin on mine overrides every sensible thought. He pulls back like I burned him but the look in his eyes tells me he is battling the same sensation I am. I have no idea what that was but the shock has me hungering for more. I fold my arms across my chest to avoid reaching out for him instinctively and stare at the table like it is the last stable thing on earth. _What was that?_ He seems as uncomfortable as I am now with our closeness even though we are no closer to each other than we are to anyone else. I glance around the table seeing that no one has noticed our interaction until my eyes fall on Anders. His jaw is set in a hard line and his hands clench the arms of the chair until his skin becomes mottled as he stares at Fenris with can only be described as stink eye. His eyes flick to mine as he notices me watching and instantly softens. I smile at him lopsidedly for just a moment before looking away again.

"Sister," Bethany calls from next to Anders, "will you play a song for me?" My mouth opens to say no until I see the look on her face. Its that puppy dog look that begs for me to placate her request. The "Not today" catches in my throat until I find myself nodding yes. Her face brightens into a large smile as she runs off to grab a mandola. Good Lord what have I gotten myself into now. I have not sung in front of people for ages. I only sing my morning aubade without conscious thought because it is the only good memory I have of father. When I sing I feel closer to him. Greeting the sun was one of the only things we did together. It is the only connection I have with him that is wholly mine. He did not sing with Bethany or Carver, only me. Bethany knows this since she tried multiple times to join us only to get yelled at. I still didn't understand why he got so angry with her on those few occasions, the memory still perplexes me. She comes running back in with the instrument in hand. The card game pauses and all eyes fix on me.

"I didn't know you could sing Hawke." Varric says.

I smile sheepishly, "I don't do it for entertainment but for the peace it brings me. Doing it in front of others just makes me nervous."

Fenris's voice comes softly from beside me, "To say you sing beautifully would be an understatement." I stiffen next to him. I had forgotten he heard me yesterday morning. Sensing my discomfort he says slowly, "I would feel blessed if I could hear it again." I turn towards him, eyes wide with surprise. His words stun me, as they do to the rest of the table. He has never been so nice to me before.

"Well I'll be damned." The dwarf says, "I never knew Fenris was capable of making compliments."

He smirks at the dwarf, his eyes glinting, "And you've never heard her sing."

It's all he says like that is reason enough.

Varric looks back at me, "Well get on with it. You've got us all waiting on baited breath."

My sister hands me the mandola. I play a few strings to test out the instrument. It has been a long time since I've played music while singing but my fingers float over the strings of their own accord.

"I don't know what to sing." I say.

Bethany smiles, "How about 'Tomorrow will be Kinder'." she suggests. A sad smile pulls at my lips. It is her favorite song as it is the one father sang to her when her day had been particularly trying.

"Ok" I say in a whisper. My fingers pick out the notes easily and I close my eyes. I focus only on the music that swirls around me. Forgetting I have an audience, forgetting my apprehensions. I let the music enter my soul and my chest swells with warmth of memories long forgotten. I sing. I sing like my father sang. Like the world didn't matter, as if time could stop and all that existed was the music. I get lost in it. Not even hearing my own voice but the emotions that cascade through my heart. At some point towards the end I realize Bethany has started singing as well and the sound lifts my spirits high. I feel lighter and more relaxed than I have in years. _Everything will be ok_, I tell myself. _It will be ok._

My eyes open when the song is done and I hear Bethany sigh with contentment. She sits there with this blissful smile on her face and I can't help but smile with her. The rest of our group has been silent. In fact, too silent. I glance around the table at the stunned silence that stretches out.

Fenris is slumped against the back of the chair. His eyes are still closed and I think for a moment he is asleep until he inhales deeply and opens his eyes. Varric and Aveline look awed and Isabella actually brushes a tear from her eye. Ander's eyes shift between Bethany and I in varying degrees of fascination. While Merrill looks like she's been transported to another plane of existence.

Varric finally breaks the silence, "Well shit Hawke, we could have gotten our funding overnight. All you and Bethany had to do was sing and people would fall over themselves to help you."

I let out a breath in relief. "Well maybe I should charge you then. Get back some of my gambling debt." I say with a laugh.

The requests come out in droves then. I spend the rest of the night singing songs I know and learning some I don't. The entire time my eyes are constantly drawn back to Fenris who sits with a look of pure elation. His eyes are often closed, his entire body relaxed. I have never seen him so content before and the feeling that overwhelms me rocks me to my core. Maybe I am vulnerable after all.

_A/N" Hope you liked this latest addition. The next chapter might take alittle longer than a few days but it will be worth the wait in content I promise. Make my day, Follow, Fav and Review. Until next time ~AB_


End file.
